The Alice Concept
by Annere
Summary: SG-1 in Wonderland. Weirdness ensues.
1. Default Chapter

Alice Concept- A SG1 Story  
TITLE: The Alice Concept  
  
AUTHOR: Annere  
EMAIL: annere15@hotmail.com  
RATING: G  
  
CATEGORY: Humor  
  
SUMMARY: SG1 down the Rabbit hole  
  
SPOILERS: Ahm...none apart from Carter is now a Major.  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: The ideas came when the electricity went and we were all left in the dark. My family and me were all brainstorming like mad. Thanks 4 all the help family  
I'm hoping for this to become a series. PLEEEEASE E-mail me and say if you liked it and if I should continue!  
  
SITES: stargatefan, heliopolis. Others please ask- the ans. Yeah but I'd like to know so I can come and grin!:)  
DISCLAIMER:The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.   
  
I'm also ah...borrowing from The Matrix (great movie),Alice in Wonderland (Duh-oh and that's where the curtseying is from), Douglas Adams(great writer) and my sisters maths papers.  
Scene 1  
  
(Scene: Gateroom. SG1, Hammond and assorted personnel.  
Gate is dialled and SG1 step through. SG1 start falling.)  
  
O' Niell: Well, this is new.  
  
(They fall some more. Carter has pulled out a calculator.  
Teal'c reaches out and picks a jar from a shelf as he falls past.)  
  
Teal'c: What is Orange Marmalade? (Passes it to O' Niell)  
  
O' Niell: Orange Marmalade? Oh, it's empty. (He drops it)  
  
O' Niell: Carter, WHAT are you doing?!  
  
Carter: Sir, at my present rate of calculation...if DY over DX = UX squared over the square root of X - 3 plus half the hole @ 60 mph then...  
  
Daniel: Forty-two!  
  
O' Niell: A suffusion of yellow!  
(They stare blankly at him.)  
  
O' Niell: What?!  
  
Teal'c: I wonder shall we fall right through the Earth! How funny it will seem to come out among the people who walk head downwards...  
  
(They all stare at him instead. He shrugs and stops trying to curtsey in mid-air. He calmly begins Kel'no'reem instead.)  
  
O'Niell: Yeah. So, anyone know any good jokes?  
  
Teal'c (opens one eye) There is the Jaafa joke about...  
  
All: NO!!!  
  
(They fall some more)  
  
Carter: (continues) ...minus 4ac all over 2a... Ah yes...  
  
Daniel: What? What?!  
  
Carter: We'll be dead on impact.  
  
Daniel: Oh.  
  
(They impact. They bounce. They impact again.)  
  
Carter:Oh  
  
Daniel (after a few seconds, voice strained but polite): Teal'c, will you please get off me?  
  
Teal'c: I would but Major Carters foot is in my ear.  
  
Carter: Arghh. Hey! My calculator survived!  
  
O'Niell (who landed on top of everyone else with no apparent problems): Everyone o.k?  
  
All: GET OFF! (Carter:) Sir!  
  
(Daniel gets up and begins scurrying around franticly muttering. He is suddenly looking small and very...furry. He pulls out a pocket watch.)  
  
Daniel: I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date!  
  
O'Niell: Daniel's dating?  
  
(A large and mysterious screen appears. Green letters are mysteriously forming saying (mysteriously))  
  
Mysterious green type: Follow the White Rabbit. They are coming for you Neo... (pauses) Sorry, They are coming for you SG1.  
  
(Screen vanishes. Long pause.   
Daniel scurries out.  
SG1 follow.)  
  
End of Scene One.  
  
To be continued? Please tell me if you want it to be. 


	2. The Alice Concept Scene Two

THE ALICE CONCEPT  
Scene II  
  
Scene- trees. Lots and lots of trees. Daniel appears to have lost his White Rabbit problem and is looking puzzled.  
O' Niell: (looking with disgust at the trees): Forget anything I may have said about this place being original.  
  
Carter: What is going on here!?  
  
Teal'c We appear to be in Wonderland MajorCarter.  
(Pause while everyone digests the idea of Teal'c reading Lewis Carroll)  
  
O' Niell: Ooookey. If we are all quite finished-and human...lets find another Stargate and blow this popsicle stand.  
(They walk on. After a few minutes Carter finds herself alone and inexplicably wearing a blue dress. She sees a light among the trees and heads toward it)  
  
Carter: A lampost?  
  
(A table appears. There are two pills, a red one and a blue one, saying "Eat Me" and "Drink Me" respectivly)  
  
Carter: Huh? (pauses) Will you two shut up already?!  
(The pills keep talking and she grabs one in exasperation.)  
Carter: I don't know how I'm supposed to Drink you but...  
(She swallows it and suddenly feels dizzy)  
Carter: What the...Hey! Where did the trees go?! (looks down...and further down)  
Carter: Oh.  
There is a small sad green patch around her ankles. She reaches down for the other pill hoping it will shrink her again. A crazed feathery thing attacks her.  
  
Pigeon: SNAKE!!! (pecks madly at her)  
(She bats it and it ends up somewhere over Saturday. Shes now lost the pill and finds herself crying)  
  
Carter: Stoppit! You've drowned the forest and your now in a lake!  
  
A door floats past with a woman on it and a man clinging to her. She is peeling his fingers off)  
  
Rose: I will never let go- I promise...Gerroff!  
  
(She spots the floating Red Pill and swoops down on it)  
  
O' Niell (appearing suddenly at the edge of the lake): Carter! Quit ruining the landscape!  
  
Carter( swallows the screaming Red Pill and steps out returning to normal size as she does so): Yes Sir!  
  
Daniel: We found someone while you were away (pulls out a giant hookah with a cigar-smoking caterpiller attached to the end)  
Daniel: You remember Senator Kinsey, don't you Sam?  
Carter: Since when was Senator Kinsey a caterpiller?  
(O'Niell opens his mouth)  
Daniel(hurriedly): No no, he's the hookah- don't know where the bug is from (turns to Kinsey) Why are you a hookah?  
  
Caterpiller: You want the truth? I'm the interpreter and I say YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!  
(shifts cigar to other side of mouth and chews it, glaring at SG1)  
  
Hookah: #puff# Mmph!  
  
Caterpiller (grumpily): He says, 'Talk to the Cheshire Cat' (They vanish)  
  
END OF SCENE II 


	3. The Alice Concept Scene Three

The Alice Concept. Scene III Author: Annere E-mail: annere15@hotmail.com Spoilers: Um.Anything in which Carter or Daniel ramble Warnings: Need to know about Stargate (duh) and Alice in Wonderland. X-files and Looney Tunes references. Un- beta'd so its my fault. Oh, and this part three in series of scenes so it would be helpful if you read them first :) Disclaimer: Don't own characters. Hail MGM, etc. Making no money from this. Rest of it is mine. Don't sue ; )  
  
THE ALICE CONCEPT  
  
Daniel: Jack, Sam, Teal'c! I've found something!  
  
O'Niell: Again?!  
  
Daniel: No, look- it appears to be a varient of Ancient Scandinavien Runic writing with what looks like a smattering of the Northern Egyptian dialect only spoken in.(rambles on for a while until O'Niells eyes star to glaze over. Carter wanders up)  
  
Carter: Or if you look at it the other way up it's a theoretical physics equation.  
  
Daniel: Ah. Yes. Um.  
  
(Carter nearly dislocates her neck trying to read it)  
  
Carter: Aha!! I can do this! The world is starting to make sense.  
  
(The upside down tablet dissolves)  
  
Carter: Hey!!  
  
O'Niell: Huh?  
  
Daniel: Teal'c?.(staring up at a huge grin in a tree)  
  
Carter: Yup, that's Teal'cs grin all right  
  
O'Nieel: A grin once seen, never forgotton.  
  
Daniel: Where's the rest of him?  
  
(An extremely furry, very pink, stripy, grinning Cheshire Teal'c fades into view, perched on a branch)  
  
Cheshire Teal'c: Yis can go this way or yis can go that way. It doesn't matter cos they're both in the middle having a tea-party.  
  
Carter: Who?  
  
(Grin fades away leaving only the pink fury stripyness that is now Teal'c)  
  
Cheshire Teal'c (testily): The March Hare and the Mad Hathor, of course.  
  
(The grin and the pink furry stripy cheshireness fades leaving only Teal'c this time who falls out of the tree as the branch breaks under him)  
  
O'Niell: We're going this way  
  
Carter: With all due respect, SIR.  
  
Teal'c: #Eyebrow#  
  
(A patch of localized darkness about two feet away- SG1 ignore it and continue arguing.)  
  
Patch of localized darkness: Scully, it's me. Mulder, where are you?  
  
(SG1 walk right on ignoring all patches of localized darkness They come across a very big table with a large rabbit and a well-known Goa'uld host wearing three hats and a cuppa.)  
  
March Rabbit: Welcome Back Dormouse!  
  
O'Niell (whos suddenly looking whiskery): I've never seen you before in in my life!.lives.  
  
Both of them jump up pointing.  
  
Mad Hathor: You Lie! You lie.  
  
March Rabbit: .like a Rug!!  
  
(O'Niell falls asleep and the others sit down.)  
  
Daniel (trying to diffuse the tension-badly) : I thought you were called the Mad Hatter?  
  
Mad Hathor (snaps angrily): Typo on the birth cert!!  
  
(March Rabbit hands around a plate of cakes absently.)  
  
Teal'c: What is this O'Niell (turning it over in his hand)  
  
O'Niell (waking up slightly): Jaffa Cake  
  
Teal'c: Ah.  
  
Daniel (being determinedly sensible): We are looking for another Stargate.uh.Chapp'ai  
  
March Rabbit (pulling out a DHD) Heres one I made earlier! (shakes it and dials the Earth co-ordinates)  
  
Carter: Nothings happened. Anyway wheres the Gate? Oh, there it is (looking at a Stargate that's suddenly appeared)  
  
Mad Hathor (glaring at Rabbit): I told you butter wouldn't suit the works!  
  
Rabbit (sulkily) It was the best butter.  
  
Mad Hathor: Some crumbs must have got in- you used the bread-knife again, didn't you!?  
  
(Rabbit flees)  
  
( Hathor pulls out a hunting cap and put it on top of the others on her head. A shotgun appears. )  
  
Mad Hathor; Wabbit! Kwee!!!  
  
( She turns to the bemused SG1(Well, except the still-asleep O'Niell/Dormouse) )  
  
Mad Hathor Hush! Be vewee, vewee quiet! We is hunting Wabbit!  
  
(SG1 leaves vewee, vewee quickly and find a door in a tree which is about a foot high. There is a garden on the other side.)  
  
End of Scene Three. 


End file.
